Interview with a transgender friend – Kadan

Screen Shot 2017-08-03 at 5.21.52 PMTo better understand each other, we just need to talk to each other.

I started transgender interviews with the idea that I could better understand transgender, just for myself. But I think sharing these interviews might help more people understand better. This is one interview in a series.

The following is in response to interview questions I sent to Kadan Kaej (pronounced Kay-den Cage). Kadan is a North Dakota native and a former student of Minot State University. He will be furthering his education at North Dakota University in Grand Forks this fall with Majors in History and Accounting.

______________________________________

From Kadan…

I’m glad to answer any and all questions you may have! I believe that keeping people informed on LGBTQ+ topics is vital for communities to allow better relations between topics, issues, and people.

I am a transman, and I was:

Born a girl – though in the trans community many state AFAB (assigned female at birth) or AMAB (assigned male at birth).

I never really ‘decided’ my gender wasn’t correct. It wasn’t a “one moment I’m a girl/the next moment I’m a boy.” It was more of a general understanding that I didn’t fit into the standard gendered norms. It was not so much a decision, but, instead, I was just trying to be myself and show my own personality.

As for what I did, this too plays into the idea of just being myself. Meaning, I acted like those around me. If kids around me were playing rough, I’d play rough too; if they were playing some made-up fantasy game, I was ready to play some adventuring hero or evil villain. It wasn’t so much that I’d only stick to “boys only/girls only” games but to wherever I felt I fit in and was most comfortable.

As for dress, I definitely limited my style to keep away from overly feminine clothing. The older I got the more picky I became because I realized how important what you wear defines you as a person to others. Wanting to stay away from looking like a girl I chose to wear baggier clothing to hide my chest (and dresses and skirts were the absolute worst). Now, I recognize that clothing can be a part of anybody’s style regardless of their gender. So shout out to anybody who can rock a dress and a nice pair of heels!

I have never talked with my parents about these issues or any other LGBTQ+ issues that I have faced. Friends were and still are my go-to people for support and discussion. My family isn’t very accepting of LGBTQ+ so topics like this are never brought up in our conversations.

I am currently in the beginning stages of taking HRT, with me being at around four months in, and I am soon going to look into official name changes/gender identifiers on legal documents, plus I will look into both Top and Bottom surgery.

Dealing with bigoted, rude people – You don’t know who are making jokes, in my opinion, is a lot easier than dealing with people you do know. You can always try and avoid strangers and ignore/block their comments, but you can’t necessarily do that with those close to you. I feel it’s also a bigger toll when you hear something hurtful from someone you thought you could trust and talk with. Hearing them say something may put the thought into your head – “Should I keep trusting this person when they use it against me? If this is what they say to my face, what are they saying behind my back?” In general, if I hear crude comments or jokes from people close to me, I feel uneasy around them and take more caution in what I say around them.

The best thing happening to me in regards to transition, I’d say it would be the support I have received from friends and others in the community. Both have made me feel like I can work toward the goals I have for myself and the motivation to help others in the same situation as me.

___________________________________________

Advice from Kadan – If you make a mistake in pronouns with a transgender person, just correct yourself and move on. Do not make a big show of the mistake or correction.

___________________________________________

Resources provided by the Darcy Jeda Corbett Foundation. www.mytransitionpartner.com

North Dakota Resources:

https://mytransitionpartner.com/transgender/resources/state/nd/

US Resources, by state:

https://mytransitionpartner.com/transgender/resources/state/

Advertisements

2 Comments

Filed under Personal Articles

2 responses to “Interview with a transgender friend – Kadan

  1. Thank you for such an open, informative, and emotion-free interview, Karen. And hello to Kadan for being sharing some of your story with us. The saddest part, to me, is that your family cannot be/is not a support system for you. One of my friend’s daughters announced she was homosexual when she was in high school. She was totally supported by her parents and her two sisters. Seven years later (just out of college), she determined that she was transgender. Over the past few years, she’s become a he, changed his name, gone through hormone treatment as well as surgery. He looks great, and is so much happier being who he feels he is meant to be. Best of luck to you!

  2. karenrsanderson

    While doing these interviews I learned that the suicide rate among transgender is 40% higher. This is a sobering statistic. Thank you for commenting and sharing your story.

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s