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Polls for fun

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Why don’t she write?

Screen Shot 2018-03-25 at 4.15.30 AMYou may be wondering why I’ve not been blogging much.

In August, I quit my full-time job at Minot State University so I could go to school full time at Minot State University/Lake Region State College. I’ll graduate in May, 2019, with an AAS in American Sign Language and Interpreting Studies.

 

And then? 

I don’t know what I’m doing after that – and I’m not worrying about it now. I do have my sub teacher’s license, so that’s a fall-back thing.

Politics

I have also been enormously involved in local and national politics for the last two years and that takes up a lot of my time as well. I’m making signs, organizing, campaigning, and demonstrating. I’m feeling a little Norma Rae!

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Eventually …

I’ll be back … eventually. I’m not letting go of the blog, but I’m giving it a rest.

So, for now …

Gone Fishing.

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Remember handwritten communication?

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Vegas Baby!

We get emails and texts and messages all day long. Every day. Day after day.

But how often do you get a handwritten note in the mail? Can you even remember the last time you got a handwritten note? Do you remember how it made you feel?

Handwriting personal notes and letters is becoming a lost art, though some people (and some corporate CEOs) recognize the value.

I was raised on pen and paper; if we got a check from Aunt Peg for a birthday, we wrote a thank you note, and if we received a letter from Aunt Ginny, we wrote back.

With the advent of computers, social networking, and iPhones, we have lost the emotional connection of a handwritten note.

As soon as a machine is introduced into the equation, the personal touch is lost. We have machines that make furniture, instead of a wood-worker creating a legacy that lasts centuries. We have machines that die-cut knives, instead of a blacksmith forging a sword. We have a computer that displays words on a screen, instead of a person picking up a pen.

Arnie Fertig, for U. S. News & World Report, suggests a handwritten thank you after a job interview. I’ve done this – I got the job. Coincidence?

Regina Lewis for U. S. A. Today says that handwritten notes in business are refreshingly personal.

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Leaf Partial

Douglas Conant was the CEO for Campbell Soup for ten years and sent 30,000 handwritten notes to employees and clients. When severely injured in a car accident, he received thousands of handwritten best wishes. He and his wife both said that all these notes helped him heal.

Is there a downside to handwritten notes? Yeah…I can appreciate the flip side of this coin.

To handwrite a note, you have to buy the card (or like I do, create my own), find a good pen, find a surface to write on, write, address the envelope, and find a stamp. Oh, the misery of it!

For decades now we’ve had computers at our disposal, most people have one at work, most people have them at home. Computers are always at our fingertips. For a handful of years, most of us have had a tiny computer in a pocket, available on our person. The smart phone. It’s so easy to swipe, type, send.

Janice Kaplan, author of The Gratitude Diaries interviewed dozens of executives and many said they say thank you with a paycheck. Kaplan said “You don’t say thank you with a paycheck. You say I’m paying you with a paycheck. You say thank you with a Thank You.”

There are numerous companies that have machines that duplicate handwriting. You can order handwritten notes, made by a machine. How oxymoronic is that?

Sadly, we are reminded of birthdays and anniversaries via FB. We see important news on Snapchat or Instagram. We can “like” or “love” with a poke.

Handwritten notes have emotion, memories, and personal thought. On the NBC Nightly News, Jane Derenowski said, “The drawings, handwriting, poems, and postmarks took me back to exactly the time, place, and person they were from.” You cannot invoke those feelings and images with an email or a text.Screen Shot 2018-01-27 at 5.26.21 PM

I look at old letters and notes, and and I see that person, where they live, what we shared, the laughter, the pain, the friendship, the love.

I have seen people in offices tack up a note or card from a loved one. I don’t think I’ve ever seen anyone tack up an email.

The Encyclopedia Britannica claims that handwriting is determined with a great emphasis on personality and that handwriting it almost as individual as fingerprints. Your handwriting represents you as an individual.

I like creating handwritten cards. I feel good writing them, I feel good sending them – knowing that the person on the other end will be pleased when he/she rips open that envelope, flips the card open, reads the handwritten words. I have heard from people that received my cards (some send an email, some a FB message, some even send back a handwritten card!), and the comments are always positive.

Do you have an event coming up, an engagement, a graduation, a new school year? Has someone in another department done you a great favor? Did your spouse or partner cook dinner all this week because you were sick? Or would you simply like to reconnect with someone you care about?

I ask you to write a note, now – to your spouse or partner, to your son or daughter, to your mom or dad, to a respected workmate or someone in another department who recently did you a favor.

And I’d like to know what the response is.

_  _  _  _  _

Have you sent a handwritten note lately? What was the response? Do you think you should re-introduce handwritten notes into your correspondence?

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These Old Boots

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I picked up new boots in Maine in ‘76

Clean leather and heavy braided laces

And we trudged all over New England and

traipsed her wilderness and her rocky coast.

Through mighty pine forests

and through trickling streams and to

wondrous waterfalls.

Then we moved back to Delaware and we

made our way along the beaches and boardwalks.

Tromped in old family coal mines and anthracite tunnels.

We labored on an immense horse farm in Pennsylvania,

through dung and fields avoiding pitchforks and clomping hooves.

Trekked through the southwest desert,

rock climbing through the grandest canyons.

When came the flood in North Dakota,

I said, “Save those boots!”

Since, they have hung around

while we walked through more snow and sleet and ice than I ever could have imagined.

And they accompany me on

visits to my grandchildren.

Now, these boots are scraped and cracked

and are losing their tread.

But these old boots have been places.

*   *   *

And they are gonna take me through the March For Our Lives

event on Saturday, March 24, come snow or high water.  

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Are you a diet saboteur?

with Karen Magill

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I try to maintain a certain weight (145-150) and any time I see myself inching over 150, I tighten my belt…pun intended.

After having lost about 25 pounds many years ago, I don’t want to have to put myself through that again. I figure it’s easier to lose a few pounds than try to lose 25…or more.

Marching band diet

I take pride in the fact that my typical weight now is just 10 pounds over my high school weight. I was 135 in high school, but that was with drilling every dang day in marching band.Screen Shot 2017-12-09 at 4.06.29 PM.png

Currently, some of my friends and acquaintances are trying to undermine my resolve. I’m nearly at the point where I’m considering avoiding certain social situations just so I don’t have to face these saboteurs.

Karen Magill has heard these comments –

  • Its what’s on the inside that counts
  • You aren’t that heavy
  • Enjoy life, eat that ____________
  • You’re over fifty, you are supposed to be heavier
  • You can’t look like you did when you were in your twenties
  • I worked so hard to make….
  • You only live once

These are all sabotages (whether you realize it or not) to whatever us dieters are turning down at the time. If a person hears this a few times a day, the resolve starts to crack.

My advice

  • If a friend tells you she is dieting, don’t wave a plate of brownies under her nose.
  • If a friend tells you she is cutting back, don’t say “oh, just one won’t hurt you” or other dismissals.
  • If a friend tells you she is trying to lose a few, don’t suggest the everything-fried buffet for lunch.
  • And for the love of all that is holy, can somebody please bring a fruit tray to work once in a while?

Support the dieting friend. Offer alternatives, like the nice place with the salad bar. Don’t wave cake, brownies, cookies, or donuts under her nose. Have a healthy recipe exchange. Offer to take a walk at break time. Don’t taunt or tease your dieting friend!

I live alone, so this problem I don’t have – if someone in your live-in family says he/she is cutting back, support them. Agree to keep the junk food out of the house. Support him or her in their choices and try new, healthier foods. And hey, you might lose a few yourself.

Here are some links I found helpful about saboteurs.

From WebMD https://www.webmd.com/diet/obesity/features/how-to-deal-with-diet-saboteurs#1

From Spark People http://www.sparkpeople.com/resource/nutrition_articles.asp?id=371

From U. S. News

https://health.usnews.com/wellness/food/articles/2017-02-15/how-to-foil-diet-saboteurs

From Prevention

https://www.prevention.com/weight-loss/weight-loss-tips/weight-loss-sabotage-friends-and-family

 

Have YOU been a saboteur?

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Transgender interview with a young friend – Charlie

Screen Shot 2017-08-03 at 5.21.52 PMNote – Charlie is 12 y.o. I have conducted the entirety of these interviews through and with the approval of his grandmother, his guardian, through her email.

__________________________________

Interview with Charlie

You were called a ____Girl______ (girl/boy) at birth. 

When did you decide your assigned gender was not correct?

Honestly, kind of my whole life, but I really knew when I was about 7 or 8. 

What did you do? How did you act? Give me a little background about the “processing” of your thoughts and feelings.

I sort of always knew I was male. Calling me a girl is like calling a wolf a cat. 

Parents typically assign toys, clothes, and such for the gender they think you are. How has that changed? What hasn’t changed?

It’s not really a change, they usually got me girly toys but I never played with them. I always stole my uncle’s toys (we grew up together) and played with those instead. 

What do you enjoy, and what do you do for fun?

Writing, playing guitar, listening to music, jogging, reading manga and watching anime (I’m an otaku). (Editor’s note – a style of Japanese film and television animation)

Did you change your style of dress? Your habits?

I never really dressed like a girl except for the times my dad or mom made me. And my habits were never that of a girl’s. 

Did you talk to your parents, relatives, friends?

Yeah, I talked to my mom and my grandma first. I always tried to tell my dad that I wanted to be a boy, but he just said I didn’t know what I wanted. 

Was that a hard thing to do, talk to people about it?

Not really, my mom and grandma always saw me dress like a boy and act like one, so weren’t too shocked when I told them. 

How did people react to your decision? Give me a couple of examples.

Like I said, my mom and grandma weren’t too shocked but they were still surprised. And I don’t blame them. My dad never listened to me and said that I didn’t know what I wanted. 

Have you decided to change your gender … in dress alone? All the way, with surgery?

Absolutely, I want nothing more than to get on testosterone and get the surgery as soon as I can. 

How far along are you in your transition?

I’m (hopefully) getting on testosterone next week and I’m super excited so I wouldn’t say I’m extremely far along but I’m at least almost halfway there. (Editor’s note – Charlie has started testosterone)

How do you deal with the derisions and jokes, teasing and bullying?

I usually don’t let it get to me. Those people are just trying to get me to stoop down to their level because they’re too bored with their own lives. But if it gets too bad, I’ll sic my grandma on them. 

What is the best thing that ever happened to you – regarding your transition – with a word of support from a family member or friend?

Probably my grandma doing all of the things she’s doing just to get me on testosterone. I’m extremely lucky to have her. 

What’s the worst thing that ever happened to you – regarding your transition – bad words spoken to you by horrible people or stuff people said to you, those who just don’t understand or refuse to accept you?

Nothing too bad yet except for all of times my dad didn’t listen to me and made me constantly wear dresses. 

What advice would you give to others who think they might need to transition?

I’d say “Go for it, be yourself. If that’s what you really want then you do it, and don’t let the stupid bigots of the world bring you down.” 

I have interviewed a few other trans people. One said something like, it’s not what the haters say but what your friends and family say that hurt the most. What do you have to say about that?

It’s probably true, I’ve never had it that bad except for all the times my dad argued with me over it. 

As a straight woman, I want to know, what can we do to advocate for transgender without looking or acting like butt-heads?

Get some LGBT people on your team, and as long as you are not insulting people of the LGBT community, the smart people should take no offense. 

You are very young, Charlie. How can you be sure this is what you want?

I’ve known pretty much my whole life, I’ve had 12 whole years to change my mind and nothing’s changed. I’ve never been more sure of anything in my whole life.

_______________________________ ***

Resources provided by the Darcy Jeda Corbett Foundation. www.mytransitionpartner.com

US Resources, by state:

US State and Territory Resources

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Interview with a transgender friend – Darcy

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You were called a boy (girl/boy) at birth.

When did you decide your assigned gender was not correct?

I don’t know if there was a specific moment of decision. More an awareness from a very early age that something was not right. It wasn’t until I was 20 that I began to question the veracity of the identity foisted upon me at birth and throughout the first two decades of my life.

Parents typically assign toys, clothes, and such for the gender they think you are. Were you conflicted as a child?

I did feel conflicted. I was exclusively a girl in my inner thoughts and self-play. I would pretend others saw me as a girl.

Give me a little background about the “processing” of your thoughts and feelings that something was not quite right.

Honestly, I repressed my feeling of dissonance regarding my gender. This repression led me to binge eat from middle childhood onward. Later, in middle school and high school, I repressed even my inner life as a girl. This ld to intense depression and thoughts of suicide.

When you started to realize something was not quite right, did you talk to your parents, relatives, friends?

No. I never spoke to my family or friends about this as a child. When I was an adult, I did talk to supportive friends and eventually came out to my family.

Was that a hard thing to do, talk to people about it?

At first it was hard. The more you come out the easier it becomes to do it.

How did people react to your decision?

Reactions varied. Most of my friends were like “yeah, I know.” My supervisor at work wasn’t surprised, “I’m a Clinical Psychologist, Darcy,” she said, “I’ve known for a while.” My dad was furious. He told me I was ridiculous and would never be a woman.

How did you/do you deal with the derisions and jokes, teasing and bullying?

I cried myself to sleep a lot. Still do. I started binge-eating again pretty heavily. I would stand in the kitchen and literally inhale food to deal with the stress. I gained 200 lbs post coming out. After four years of therapy, I’ve learned to self-sooth in healthy ways. I take long walks. I actually started my nonprofit as a coping mechanism. Writing support articles for other transgender people made me feel as if the suffering was worth it. It’s still hard. Honestly, I am sad most of the time even though I come across as really cheerful and happy. If you see me working myself to death chances are I am miserable and trying to cope.

What is the best thing that ever happened to you – regarding your transition – with a word of support from a family member or friend?

I rediscovered the things I love about myself. I have a very healthy relationship with myself, and getting to know her every day is a major blessing.

What’s the worst thing that ever happened to you – regarding your transition – bad words spoken to you by horrible people or stuff people said to you, those who just don’t understand or refuse to accept you?

A lot of bad things happened to me. I was homeless for a few months. I’ve had to do things I didn’t want to do to survive. I think the worst part is the loneliness. It eats away at me like a cancer. Friendships can be touch and go sometimes. Family relationships are awkward, and I often have to sacrifice my needs to maintain them. Romantic relationships are out of the question. Can you imagine having to disclose the state of your genitalia to potential partners prior to the first date? I do because I don’t want to end up dead in a dumpster after a date gone wrong. It’s humiliating. I’ve had several men interested in me who either run after they find out I’m trans, want just an emotional relationship, or play out some sick fantasy with me and use me like an object. Honestly, this is the worst part of my life post-coming out. I’m a 25-year-old woman, and I’ve barely had a relationship. What I have had has been terrible, soul-crushing, and frankly abusive.

What advice would you give to others who think they might need to transition?

Surround yourself with social support. Find a good therapist. Visit my website MyTransitionPartner.com.

I have interviewed several other trans people. One said something like, it’s not what the haters say but what your friends and family say that hurt the most. What do you have to say about that?

When you truly love yourself, it hurts when anybody rejects you or says bad things about you. It’s like if someone said something awful about your partner or sibling…you’d hurt. It is especially hard when family rejects you.

What can we do to advocate for transgender without looking or acting like butt-heads? Any advice for allies who might elect to stand up for a transgender person?

Listen and continue to educate yourself. My website has an entire section devoted to educating allies (MyTransitionPartner.com/ally)

I heard once in an LGBT forum that LG&B don’t treat T with respect on occasions. Have you experienced this?

All the time. There is rampant transphobia and misogyny in the LGBTQ+ community. I have cis gay men challenge me all the time in regards to gender identity. We are consistently ignored and silenced. I’ve endured countless vigils for victims of anti-LGBTQ+ violence where there were no transgender people asked to speak (we experience the most violence) or where there were subtle jokes about transgender people. It’s disgusting.

What about 45s latest announcement that he doesn’t want to allow Transgender in the military?

The President needs to learn to think before he Tweets and to seek wise counsel. His views are not based on empirical data or a sound understanding of the law.

When did you start your foundation? Tell us a little bit about why you started your foundation, and how, and where, etc.

I’ve been doing advocacy work since 2012/13. When I moved to ND, I started doing it more fervently and strategically. I spent the better part of two years writing support articles for my personal website, and a friend encouraged me to develop it into a nonprofit. We launched MyTransitionPartner.com in January 2017. My foundation is taking the money I’ve earned speaking and consulting (and money we receive from donors) and using it to maintain the site and provide grants to assist transgender people with transition expenses. We are also able to provide administrative support to other transgender, nonbinary, gender queer, gender fluid, gender nonconforming people who want to have their own outreach project but don’t want to go through the hassle of managing their own organization. I’ve been very lucky to get to where I am. I am really successful for a transgender person, and I have gotten to where I am really quickly. My successes, my ability to support myself means nothing to me if I cannot use that privilege to pull other people out of the hell I lived in for such a long time.

______________________________

Resources provided by the Darcy Jeda Corbett Foundation. www.mytransitionpartner.com

North Dakota Resources:

http://mytransitionpartner.com/transgender/resources/state/nd/

US Resources, by state:

http://mytransitionpartner.com/transgender/resources/state/

 

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