Tag Archives: Transgender

Interview with a transgender friend – Kadan

Screen Shot 2017-08-03 at 5.21.52 PMTo better understand each other, we just need to talk to each other.

I started transgender interviews with the idea that I could better understand transgender, just for myself. But I think sharing these interviews might help more people understand better. This is one interview in a series.

The following is in response to interview questions I sent to Kadan Kaej (pronounced Kay-den Cage). Kadan is a North Dakota native and a former student of Minot State University. He will be furthering his education at North Dakota University in Grand Forks this fall with Majors in History and Accounting.

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From Kadan…

I’m glad to answer any and all questions you may have! I believe that keeping people informed on LGBTQ+ topics is vital for communities to allow better relations between topics, issues, and people.

I am a transman, and I was:

Born a girl – though in the trans community many state AFAB (assigned female at birth) or AMAB (assigned male at birth).

I never really ‘decided’ my gender wasn’t correct. It wasn’t a “one moment I’m a girl/the next moment I’m a boy.” It was more of a general understanding that I didn’t fit into the standard gendered norms. It was not so much a decision, but, instead, I was just trying to be myself and show my own personality.

As for what I did, this too plays into the idea of just being myself. Meaning, I acted like those around me. If kids around me were playing rough, I’d play rough too; if they were playing some made-up fantasy game, I was ready to play some adventuring hero or evil villain. It wasn’t so much that I’d only stick to “boys only/girls only” games but to wherever I felt I fit in and was most comfortable.

As for dress, I definitely limited my style to keep away from overly feminine clothing. The older I got the more picky I became because I realized how important what you wear defines you as a person to others. Wanting to stay away from looking like a girl I chose to wear baggier clothing to hide my chest (and dresses and skirts were the absolute worst). Now, I recognize that clothing can be a part of anybody’s style regardless of their gender. So shout out to anybody who can rock a dress and a nice pair of heels!

I have never talked with my parents about these issues or any other LGBTQ+ issues that I have faced. Friends were and still are my go-to people for support and discussion. My family isn’t very accepting of LGBTQ+ so topics like this are never brought up in our conversations.

I am currently in the beginning stages of taking HRT, with me being at around four months in, and I am soon going to look into official name changes/gender identifiers on legal documents, plus I will look into both Top and Bottom surgery.

Dealing with bigoted, rude people – You don’t know who are making jokes, in my opinion, is a lot easier than dealing with people you do know. You can always try and avoid strangers and ignore/block their comments, but you can’t necessarily do that with those close to you. I feel it’s also a bigger toll when you hear something hurtful from someone you thought you could trust and talk with. Hearing them say something may put the thought into your head – “Should I keep trusting this person when they use it against me? If this is what they say to my face, what are they saying behind my back?” In general, if I hear crude comments or jokes from people close to me, I feel uneasy around them and take more caution in what I say around them.

The best thing happening to me in regards to transition, I’d say it would be the support I have received from friends and others in the community. Both have made me feel like I can work toward the goals I have for myself and the motivation to help others in the same situation as me.

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Advice from Kadan – If you make a mistake in pronouns with a transgender person, just correct yourself and move on. Do not make a big show of the mistake or correction.

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Resources provided by the Darcy Jeda Corbett Foundation. www.mytransitionpartner.com

North Dakota Resources:

https://mytransitionpartner.com/transgender/resources/state/nd/

US Resources, by state:

https://mytransitionpartner.com/transgender/resources/state/

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